did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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