you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
