Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i think i have herpe
just one?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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