She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I touched a dick in church today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
