she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
