I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
