I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
