He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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