We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
