I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
