Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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