you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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