just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I smell stomach acid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
