I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
