K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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