Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
