That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
