After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
