I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
