There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
