She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
