Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
