Plan B is the new Plan A
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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