i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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