I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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