This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
