I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
