If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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