Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
