Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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