Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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