i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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