I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
