why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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