Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
