i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
