he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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