So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
