Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
