Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
