it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
