i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
