I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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