I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
