i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
