dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
