What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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