Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
