His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
