there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
